Friend: I’m finding an increase in my nose hair. This is disturbing. Are you having the same issue? What’s the deal with this? Can ear hair be far behind?

Me: Ahh yes, one of the benefits of growing older. Truely a disturbing revelation when you realize that at any moment you could begin to lose hair on your head while it is rapidly being replaced by rampant nose and ear hair. The only way to deal with this is to grab the bull by the horns. Get yourself over to the mall and pick up a high end nose hair trimmer. Don’t go for a multi-function trimmer, we’re in serious territory. One slip up and you have a bloody nose and a scab that makes it look like you pick your nose for a second job. The fourth of fifth time you groom this area of your body the pain starts to
go away. I turned to booze.. others turn to drugs or God. Hang on tight my friend, it’s a long hairy spiral to the bottom.

Friend: This is troubling. I barely need a razor for my face and yet, I may need to purchase a grooming product for my nostrils.